remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
