I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
