you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
