Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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