Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
