I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
