omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
