i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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