Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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