she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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