I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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