Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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