my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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