I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
