Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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