Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We need a shit load of segways right now
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Text me some of your sweat
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
