Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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