Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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