Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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