he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
