Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
