Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
