found the other keg... it's in the tree
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
