I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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