I wish I could punch you in the face.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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