Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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