Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
