The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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