and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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