Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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