sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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