YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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