I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize