youre lurking in front of me
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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