your thong is hanging out like whoa
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Randomize
