So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
