i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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