So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
