something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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