just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize