It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
