i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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