Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize