she was so not down for the gang bang
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
