it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
