Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
this is an emotional support booty call
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
