at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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