So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
