high people should be assigned attendants
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
