You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
