So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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