You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
