And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So much rum. So many feels.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize