If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
