So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
