gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
