Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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