I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
