i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
