lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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