i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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