I didn't shave. On purpose
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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