I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
