Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
