Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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