I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
