haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just forgot I was standing up.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
