It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
