Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize