Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
