I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize