he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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