I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How does one acquire holy water?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
