You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
